The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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