I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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