I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
