My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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