You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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