Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
