i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
