I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize