He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
