C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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