Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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