Christians are straight up FREAKS
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
