I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
