so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
