dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize