And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
