He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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