i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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