we're chasing vodka with high fives
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
