He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
