he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
