its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
