I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
