I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
