Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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