Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
