I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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