What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
