dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
