I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
