I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
