Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
