I skipped work to stalk him.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
