So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
