she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
