her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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