strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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