I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
