What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
