Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
