I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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