She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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