He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
