wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
