You can't motorboat a personality
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
where are my pants?
in the oven.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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