theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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