i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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