I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
