The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
