his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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