Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize