im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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