Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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