Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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