His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
