Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
