is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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