I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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