you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
