There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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