I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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