She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
