i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
