Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
