He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
