My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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