My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think your dad took our porno
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
