That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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