He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
