I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
