Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
