just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
