I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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