Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
